


Misshapen Family

by bisexualknuckles



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Comfort, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 16:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15247248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualknuckles/pseuds/bisexualknuckles
Summary: 'Bucky had honestly expected a big speech, one about courage and never giving up, but it seemed Steve was even at a loss for words. He watched the Captain closely, never failing to be amazed by how beautiful Steve looked. Even when he was as lost as Bucky, he still looked braver than anyone he had ever witnessed.''Bucky reached his arms across Steve, enveloping him in a hug. Steve’s skin was sticky with sweat, but he radiated a warmth that Bucky hadn’t felt in years.This was the only place Bucky had ever felt safe, but the nightmares knew no other home than him.'(Bucky is constantly writhing with nightmares every night, but at least he has Steve.)





	Misshapen Family

 

They were always there. They were always  _there_. 

The noises, the pain-oh god, the agonizing  _pain_. He could feel himself squeezing his eyes shut, as if that force would push out the sharpness of the electrical buzzes. The plastic piece in his mouth tasted burnt, aching against his teeth from the force of him grinding them together. 

His fists would clench, but he couldn’t thrash or jolt or even run. He was always stuck; the metal would always leave bruises against his wrists. He wanted to rub them away-he wanted to rub them so hard his skin would disintegrate until there was nothing left. 

At least then he would feel like himself. There had to be something left of him, right? James was still in there somewhere, but he wasn’t sure who that was anymore. They had stripped him of  _everything_ , and left him with  _nothing_.

There was more than those loud gun shots, those terrfied screams-the way that girl’s throat felt underneath his finger tips, the feel of her windpipe closing-

The screams were getting louder, Bucky’s ears aching, but those weren’t just her screams of terror.

“Buck!”

Somebody was gripping his shoulders, their weight feeling like it was crushing him, just like the scientists who had once held him down to shove him under-to shove more serum inside of him. 

He could feel his eyelids fluttering, but everything was blurry, and the lights were too bright. They looked like the ultra violent ones underground, the ones that allowed you to see every flaw and detail on a human body. Too bad Bucky’s DNA was an entire flaw, an exposed nerve under those raw lights. 

“ _Bucky_!” Why was that voice familar? Something warm was dripping down his lips, the taste of copper making him wince. 

“James!”

That snapped him awake. The sheer terror and worry in the tone was so familar it nearly gave Bucky whiplash. He looked around, seeing Steve Rogers having a firm hold on him as his eyes were so heavy and wide. 

Steve had only called Bucky by his real name once. It had been a time that seemed so long ago, he was only sure that it had happened because he would never forget that look on Steve’s face. 

He had engrained it into himself, so he would always know to never get that bad again. He never wanted to see Steve in so much pain again; and he defintely didn’t want to be the cause of it. Not anymore. 

He hadn’t realized he was gripping the sheets so tightly that his knuckles were white. The bed looked like an absolute wreck, and Bucky could feel the sweat sticking to his neck, soaking the pillow. 

Bucky wasn’t exactly sure what to say. This occurence had become normal, an almost every day event. It didn’t matter how good the day had gone, the nightmares always caught up with him. 

“Sam said it’s best to hold you down like this,” Steve took a shaky breath, determination settling in his eyes. “It’ll keep you from falling off of the bed.”

Bucky breathed through his nose, looking at the dimly lit lamp beside him. “I can’t keep doing this, Steve.”

Steve rubbed his thumb in a small circle on Bucky’s bare shoulder, a small gesture that he had done since they were sixteen. The soldier hadn’t realized how stiff he was until he tried to relax, his joints aching. 

“I know.” Steve whispered, letting himself fall next to Bucky gently. 

Bucky had honestly expected a big speech, one about courage and never giving up, but it seemed Steve was even at a loss for words. He watched the Captain closely, never failing to be amazed by how beautiful Steve looked. Even when he was as lost as Bucky, he still looked braver than anyone he had ever witnessed. 

Bucky reached his arms across Steve, enveloping him in a hug. Steve’s skin was sticky with sweat, but he radiated a warmth that Bucky hadn’t felt in  _years_.This was the only place Bucky had ever felt safe, but the nightmares knew no other home than him. 

They taunted him, always creeping and scratching at the edges of his mind. He wanted nothing but to keep Steve safe, but Bucky had a hard time keeping himself together. 

Steve was gripping him harder than he thought possible, but he welcomed the pressure. Bucky seen the phone on the table light up. He reached out with his metal fingers, feeling a small, electrical pulse when he picked it up. 

It was a message from Sam. ‘ _Everything okay? Did you hold him down by the shoulders like I told you?_ ’

The corner of Bucky’s mouth twitched, realizing that Sam was just down the hall. He was a patient man, to deal with Bucky screaming awake almost every night. 

He knew Natasha must be out for the night, probably crashing with Clint Barton. She was in-and-out, always moving. Yet, she always made her way back here, to their little apartment on the east side of New York. She normally would text Steve the same questions about himself, and Bucky would be lying if he said it didn’t make his heart swell. 

He would answer Sam later, resting the phone back down. Bucky buried his face into Steve’s shoulder, inhaling deeply. 

“I know you get sick of these nightmares,” Steve whispered, feeling his breath against his neck. “But I’m not giving up on you.” 

“Don’t you just wanna sleep in peace?” Bucky’s voice was soft, but there was a slight sense of amusement in it. 

“You act like I sleep great every night even if you’re not screaming in my ear.” Steve scoffed a little, which made Bucky smile into his shoulder. The sweat on the back of his neck was starting to cool, causing goosebumps to raise. 

Bucky pulled his head back, allowing himself to be only an inch away from Steve’s face. Their foreheads were almost pressed together, and everything finally fit for once. 

“I don’t think I’m worth all of this, Steve.” Bucky had said those words once before, but he still resinated with it. 

“You are. You’re worth every broken piece of furniture and every change of sheets.” Steve adjusted himself to they were wrapped up in one another, their limbs tangling together. Their faces stayed close. 

Bucky’s laugh was soft, so exasperated it came out more like a deep breath. Steve’s mouth twitched, his eyes soft that it almost made Bucky sick. 

“I hate when you do that.” 

“Do what?”

“Your eyes...they get all  _soft_  and mushy. You always look at me like...I’ve never done anything wrong. Like I’m just your whole world; it’s gross.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow, his mouth slightly agape. “I  _never_  look-”

“No wonder Sam always takes your spot on the couch-you don’t have a trace of fearfulness in your body.” Bucky clucked his tongue, biting back a smile. 

“That is not  _true,”_ Steve laughed, throwing his head back in that way that gave Bucky butterflies. “I just don’t wanna fight.”

“We have two couches, Steve. He can sit on the other one.”

Steve grinned, his eyes darkening with mischief. “I can be ever sappier if you want me to.”

“For the love of all that is holy, please do  _not_.” Bucky begged, a laugh getting caught in his throat. He rolled onto his back, hoping to evade those soft, Steve Roger eyes that had had him wrapped around his finger since high school. 

“Has anyone told you that your smile could blind an entire army?”

“Steve, that is the  _dumbest thing_ I’ve ever heard-”

“Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Bucky giggled, grabbing the pillow from underneath him, slamming it into Steve’s face. 

“Hey!” Steve growled, snatching the pillow and throwing it to the side of the bed. He grabbed Bucky, pulling him back into his arms. Steve dug his fingers into Bucky’s sides, causing him to jerk backwards.

“Stop, you little punk!” Bucky cried, trying to catch his hands. An involuntary grin was growing on his face, suddenly feeling like that kid back in Brooklyn. 

“Wow, all of that training and you’re still ticklish? I don’t think they took  _everything_  away from you Bucky.”

Steve held him against his torso, trapping Bucky there so he couldn’t move. He was trying his hardest to escape, but his earlier episode had drained the energy out of him. Plus, it was a little fun. Silly, but fun.  

You would think joking about everything that had happened to Bucky would cause him to stop, to go back into that dark corner of his mind and curl up for a few hours; but it was the exact opposite.

Steve made this newly found life of his bearable by letting him know that he understands what he’s going through, but he’s still that snarky kid that he met all those years ago. It kept him grounded. It made him feel like he was at home again. Steve  _was_  home. 

“God dammit, stop it!” Bucky’s laugh was shrill, the way it got when he was really desperate. Steve did as he was asked, retracting his fingers from Bucky’s sensitive ribs. 

“I’ll let you live, but I won’t let you live it down, jerk.” Steve smiled brightly, pulling Bucky close again. His eyes were soft again, but Bucky let it go for a moment.

He cupped the sides of Steve’s face, pulling him in for a kiss. They were silent for a moment, allowing one and another to be lost in one another for a moment. It helped ease Bucky’s mind of the growing fear of falling back asleep. 

“So,” A voice called from their door, causing them both to jump. Bucky instinctively reached for the knife under his pillow, but stopped himself, only flexing his fingers. “I’m glad to hear vanilla swirl is laughing and all, but I’d like to sleep.” 

Steve smiled, causing Bucky’s cheeks to flush. Thank god Sam wasn’t in here to see that. 

“Sorry, we’ll keep it down.” The super soldier called, giving a little wink to his boyfriend. 

He could hear Sam mumbling something, but they both chose to ignore it. They’d hear it more clearly in the morning, when Sam would make off-hand comments over breakfast. 

The phone on the table buzzed. Steve reached for it this time, and gave a little laugh. “It’s Nat.”

Bucky chewed on his lip, his eyebrow raised in confusion. “I was pretty sure she wasn’t here.”

Steve turned the phone so Bucky could read, allowing him to squint at the brightness. 

‘ _I’m glad Bucky is okay, but if you guys wanna join me in watching I Love Lucy in the living room, feel free._ ’

Steve gave Bucky a quizzical look, and Bucky nodded. “I’d rather be doing that than going back to sleep.”

Steve shrugged, both of them trudging into the living room in their sweatpants and loose t-shirts. Nat was sitting in the recliner, sitting straight up, giving them a small smile as they entered the room. 

“Sam? I thought you were going to bed.” Steve asked, finding the Falcon sitting in his spot on the couch. It wouldn’t be homey if Sam didn’t take something that wasn’t his. 

“Ya’ll were too loud, figured I’d kick it with Natasha.” Sam’s eyes looked a little worn, but his sarcastic smile weighed out the rest. 

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, sticking out his tongue at Sam, who subtly flipped him off by pretending to rest his hand on his face. They took their respective seats, the tv playing softly in the background. 

Sam shifted next to Bucky, trapping him between himself and Steve. Natasha got up suddenly, her stride quiet and quick. She squeezed herself between Steve and Bucky, allowing herself to be cuddled between the two. 

Steve smiled at Bucky, wrapped his arm around the three of them. 

Bucky would be lying if he said he didn’t feel overwhelmed in love. He lowered his head, trying to stop the tears that were welling up in the corners of his eyes. 

Bucky had lost a lot of things to Hydra, but he had gained a family in the end. 


End file.
